Why One Phone Call Can Hijack Your Life

Imagine you receive a phone call from your boss, who sounds frustrated and says, "We need to meet. Can you come to my office on Thursday at 2pm? It's important."

Even though you have no reason to question your work—your company has been happy with you—your mind immediately races: "I'm getting fired. She sounded angry—I must have messed up something major. This is it; my career is over."

Your anxiety follows you everywhere for the next three days. That evening, you snap at your spouse, too consumed by worry to be present. At dinner, your children excitedly tell you about their school projects, but you barely register what they're saying. You lie awake reviewing every project from the past month, convinced you've made catastrophic errors.

A friend invites you for coffee but you decline—you're too anxious to be social. When Thursday arrives, you enter the meeting visibly exhausted and defensive. Even when your boss begins discussing a new project and wants your input, you can barely focus because you're still bracing for bad news.

Your beliefs poisoned three entire days of your life, affecting your marriage, your relationship with your children, your work performance and your friendships. And the dreaded outcome didn’t even come to pass.

The Same Situation, Different Beliefs

You receive the same phone call from your frustrated-sounding boss requesting a Thursday meeting.

This time, you think: "She sounds stressed and this seems urgent. I don't know what this is about yet—it could be many things. Maybe there's a client emergency, or she needs my expertise on something time-sensitive. Sure, it could be a problem with my work, but it could just as easily be something else—and my work has been great so far this year. I'll find out on Thursday, and whatever it is, I'll handle it."

You continue on with your day with focus. That evening, you're able to enjoy your night out with your spouse, fully listening and being present. At bedtime with your kids, you're engaged and attentive.

Your thoughts—not events themselves—drive your emotional experience.

Overall, Wednesday and Thursday go on as normal. When Thursday arrives, you walk into the meeting calm and prepared, with good energy. Your boss explains that a major client moved up their deadline and she needs your expertise to reorganize priorities. Because your mind is clear rather than clouded by catastrophizing, you respond effectively. Your calm approach impresses your boss.

The ABC Model

What changed between these two scenarios was the belief you attached to the same event.

The ABC model, developed by psychologist Albert Ellis, explains how your thoughts—not events themselves—drive your emotional experience.

• A – Activating Event: Something happens in your life—an external situation or circumstance.
• B – Beliefs: The meaning you assign to what happened; your interpretation of the event.
• C – Consequences: The emotional and behavioral responses that flow from those beliefs.

The crucial insight is this: A does not directly cause C. The event itself doesn’t create your emotional reaction. Your beliefs about the event do.

You can’t control what happens to you, but you can learn to notice, question, and refine the stories you tell yourself about what happens. And when you do, you don’t just change how you feel—you change how you live.

Question Your Beliefs

Just because a thought appears in your mind doesn’t make it true. Thoughts are hypotheses, not facts. Learning to pause and question your beliefs is essential to emotional resilience.

Obviously, you can't be naive—if you're genuinely doing terrible work, this doesn't apply. But most of the time, that isn't the scenario, and there's no real reason or evidence for your negative beliefs.

Practicing the ABC Model Proactively

You don't need to wait for a crisis to use the ABC model. Here's how to build resilience proactively:

1. Develop Awareness: Start noticing the connection between events, your thoughts, and your feelings. Keep a simple journal for a week, noting situations that triggered strong emotions and what thoughts accompanied them.

2. Challenge Automatic Thoughts: When you catch yourself in negative thinking patterns, ask: "Is this thought based on facts or assumptions? What evidence supports or contradicts it? How might I see this situation a year from now?"

By working on your resilience proactively, you'll find yourself less reactive to minor frustrations, more capable of handling disappointments with grace, and better able to maintain perspective when things don't go as planned.

Choose one small challenge or frustration and walk yourself through the ABC model. Notice your automatic thoughts, challenge them gently, and practice generating more balanced interpretations. Over time, this practice will transform not just how you handle adversity, but how you experience life itself.