Debunking Viral Claim About the Talmud and Minors
4 min read
4 min read
4 min read
Parenting isn’t about shaping our children into reflections of ourselves, it’s about loving them enough to enable them become who they are meant to be.
What is the purpose of parenting? Some say it’s to raise happy, well-adjusted children. Yet even the most loving parents sometimes end up with children who struggle.
Others believe the goal is to nurture successful kids who will contribute to society and uphold family values. But the finest schools and most heartfelt role modeling don’t guarantee that your children will adopt your ideals—or achieve the success you envision for them.
What if, instead, we shifted our focus from outcome-based parenting to relationship-based parenting? You cannot control whether your child is happy or unhappy, successful or struggling. What you can do is invest in the one thing that endures through every stage of their life: your relationship. Here are five things your children wish you would tell them. Doing so will improve your relationship.
In a culture obsessed with achievement, children often fear mistakes. They may try to hide them or avoid risks altogether. But every worthwhile goal is built on wrong turns and second tries. When you’re wrong—even about something small—say to your child, “I made a mistake.” Your honesty teaches them that being imperfect is normal and that mistakes are opportunities to learn.
Along with this, try saying, “I don’t know” more often and then explore the answer together. Children want permission to fail safely—and to see that curiosity and humility matter more than always being right.
Parents sometimes, without realizing it, communicate conditional love: I love you when you behave, when you succeed, when you please me. But every child needs to feel that love is not something they must earn. Even when your child’s choices disappoint you, they need to know that your love stands firm.
The purpose of parenting is not to mold our children into who we want them to be—but to love them enough to give them the space to grow into who they truly are.
When a child or teen is struggling, some of the most powerful words you can offer are simply: “I’m here for you.” The world can be hard and unpredictable. Your children long to know that home is always a safe place—a space where love does not depend on performance.
Our culture often treats negative emotions as something to be fixed or hidden. Yet sadness, regret, and even boredom play essential roles in emotional growth. As a parent, you may instinctively try to cheer your child up or distract them, but what they need most is permission to feel.
When your child is upset, say: “It’s ok to be sad. And it’s ok to ask for help.” No one feels happy all the time, and your child shouldn’t feel pressured to pretend otherwise.
You may think your child already knows that you love and appreciate them—but they can never hear it too often. Tell them, “It’s such a gift to have you as my child.” Expressing love and gratitude doesn’t spoil children; it strengthens their confidence and sense of belonging.
Children who are unsure of their parents’ love often seek validation through insecurity or arrogance. Your words remind them that they are wanted, cherished, and never taken for granted.
Many parents unconsciously expect their children to bring them happiness—to make choices that please them, to succeed in ways that reflect well on the family. But your children’s lives are not yours to direct. They should not feel burdened by your emotional needs or obligated to protect you from disappointment.
What they long to hear is: “Live your life. It is not your responsibility to make me happy.” When you release them from that weight, you give them the freedom to live authentically and love you freely in return.
Being a parent is both a profound privilege and responsibility. As Rabbi Jonathan Sacks taught, “To be a Jewish parent is to make space for your child as God makes space for us, His children.” Perhaps, then, the purpose of parenting is not to mold our children into who we want them to be—but to love them enough to give them the space to grow into who they truly are.
Each time a child was born, my thought was: here is a new little person whom I must learn to know. And indeed each has a distinct personality which is uniquely their own.