Debunking Viral Claim About the Talmud and Minors
4 min read
4 min read
Viral shame is a digital stampede. Each click tramples someone closer to ruin.
Everyone’s seen it by now: the Coldplay concert, the giant screen, the kiss cam, a hesitant couple. She recoils. The crowd stirs. Realization dawns. And then—inevitably—the tidal wave of online reaction that turned two strangers into a global meme.
I didn’t watch it.
Not for lack of curiosity. I know exactly what happens—I’ve read the headlines and seen the gifs. But I made a deliberate choice not to click. This isn’t a claim to moral high ground. It’s a recognition that every view is oxygen in the bonfire of viral shame. We imagine ourselves spectators; in truth, we are arsonists.
We imagine ourselves spectators; in truth, we are arsonists.
The internet has rebuilt the Roman Colosseum. People are destroyed for our entertainment. With a tap, we cast our vote. And though we may feel detached, our views fuel the machine. Algorithms reward them. Platforms amplify them. Virality isn’t fate—it’s the sum of our clicks. Each one is a ballot, and no ballot is neutral.
That nameless couple will never again be nameless. Their reputations, careers, and private lives have been scorched and we helped strike the match—by quietly pressing play.
Embarrassment isn’t harmless. Neuroimaging shows that social pain—shame, rejection—activates many of the same regions of the brain as physical pain. To broadcast someone’s worst moment and call it “content” is to inflict real injury, cheaply outsourced to an algorithm.
This isn’t abstract for me. I have seen what shame can do.
In 2013, Justine Sacco—then a communications director—posted a crude, racist joke before boarding a flight to Cape Town. While she was in the air, the Twitter mob erupted. By the time she landed, she was trending worldwide. Reporters were waiting at the gate. She lost her job. Her mental health collapsed. The mob moved on. Her life did not.
Judaism teaches that public humiliation is akin to bloodshed.
I think, too, of the children I worked with at Camp Simcha Special, a camp for children with physical disabilities. I saw how strangers stared—not with malice, just quiet curiosity. But the gaze alone weighed on them. No words were needed. Attention, even unspoken, can be a burden. These days, when I see someone who looks off, I remind myself: dignity begins with looking away.
Judaism teaches that public humiliation is akin to bloodshed. The story of Tamar and Judah in Genesis offers a striking example.
Tamar was married to Judah’s eldest son, who died. According to the custom of levirate marriage (if a brother dies without children, his widow marries another brother), she was then wed to his younger brother—who also died. Judah, fearing Tamar was cursed, sent her back to her father’s house under the pretense of waiting for his third son to come of age. He never intended to follow through.
Eventually, Tamar took matters into her own hands. Disguised as a prostitute, she waited for Judah on the roadside and slept with him, conceiving twins. When word reached Judah that Tamar was pregnant, he condemned her to death for immorality.
At that moment, Tamar could have exposed Judah publicly. She had proof—Judah had left his staff and signet ring with her. But instead, she sent the items to him privately, with a simple message: “The man to whom these belong is the father of my child.”
She gave Judah the opportunity to admit the truth himself. She spared him public humiliation—even though he had wronged her.
To his credit, Judah responded, “She is more righteous than I.”
The ethical teaching that flows from this story is profound: better to be thrown into fire than to shame someone in public. Because humiliation—especially public humiliation—is a kind of bloodshed.
We used to understand this intuitively. There was a time when dignity mattered more than clicks.
Today, that instinct has eroded. The internet moves too fast. It rewards mockery, not mercy.
We tell ourselves it’s “just a meme.” But every meme has a human face.
And every click is a choice—to dignify, or to destroy.
Itamar! It is an honor to say we know you from way back. Keep up the good work and make Hashem proud!!
Great article! Just want to add something about what you wrote: "dignity begins with looking away," in regard to children with visible special needs. Children tend to stare because they are naturally curious, but I learned from a great educator on special needs, Yael Zelinger, that we can teach children to add another five-letter word which also begins with the letter "s" as the word "stare" does. That word is "smile." When we add a smile to a stare, we begin to form a connection, powerfully enhancing dignity. I included this important teaching in my picture book which teaches children about special needs: Let's Appreciate Everyone.
A thoughtful insight into our modern world! Thank you.
You bring out a very good point and I thank you for that! I never thought this through and relate that horrible disgrace to our Teachings. I agree with you and Thank you very much to help me think through all of the ramifications that the internet and our clicks may have caused.
If you were the spouse wouldn't you want to know? Maybe it's too bad it was a global forum but better that than not knowing.
It is horrifying the public finding out before their spouse does
G-d has a way of fixing the “finding out” and in this case, where this man had no problem publicly being with his mistress, the public and his wife found out. To be that brazen, he got what he deserved. We can’t hide from the internet and the internet isn’t going to hide things from us. It’s time to think before we speak and before we act. Then maybe what we do won’t end up on the internet and if it does, it will be a happy blessed post.
When I saw the video, I assumed the couple were ashamed to be outed as Coldplay fans
Really thoughtful oped. Thanks.
I don't think there's nearly enough public shame anymore. Too many imagine that there a no mores; there is no right or wrong. The coldplay concertgoer's lives won't end. They'll lose their jobs and probably their spouses and have to move on. It's harsh, but well deserved.
After reading the comments here, I am frankly appalled at how far we have fallen.
Have you thought about the collateral damage to the families of the two individuals who were outed? What happens to the spouses and children? They have also been dragged into this, and the hurt is a thousand times more damaging that what might have happened more privately. The internet is FOREVER. Perhaps some of you are perfect and have not sinned, but I know I am not and that I have. We used to be taught to mind our business, respect the rights of others, and remember the collateral damage. As Jews we have the obligation to protect the dignity of others.
I totally agree with you and thank you
I’ll type this again. I didn’t cause this shame. This man being caught with his mistress at a public concert caused it. He was brazen enough to attend a concert with thousands of people. I’m guessing G-d said “Thousands? Let’s make that millions of people.” Let’s stop and think before we speak and act. Hopefully, our bad behavior will cease and the internet will be full of joyous events.
The author wrote well and made good points for discussion regarding the general topic of public humiliation. Just would like to mention 2 ideas in regard to the thread below.
1. When people sin publicly, the laws of Lashon hora aren’t applicable in the same way. Their sins should actually be called out publicly to teach people morality.
Making fun of public sinners maybe falls under Hollelus (frivolity).
2. While we always need to be respectful to everyone, the issur of Lashon hora strictly applies to our brothers and sisters. The issur of Motzi Shem Ra—spreading lies about others—is obviously not relevant here because the couple DID commit adultery.
So nu, what are we all getting flustered over? It’s a done deed and let’s be involved in the positive actions of ourselves and others.
It’s ok to refuse to be part of this voyeurism in secular society. But are we not as believing Jews obligated to view everything that happens around us through the lens of Thora? I also don’t have to see the Coldplay kiss meme for myself- but I still can ‘interpret’ the event according to my understanding of Thora: two people were engaging in a sinful manner, knowing full well that it was ‘forbidden’, thinking they could go on like this forever. But like most of the times in such cases: der mensh tracht und Gott lacht. HaShem crossed their plans.
The author has put forward an excellent and fair essay on a difficult topic.
Not sure if Judah and Tamar are the right reference for this one. What about David and Bathsheba? Good things can come out of a bad situation, eventually, (like Solomon), but first, there may be a lot of pain for everyone involved… ?
What about sotah where a woman who cheated was extremely publicly shamed?
Sotah is a "special" case: (1) It is only valid is the husband has not sinned and (2) the Sotah PUBLICLY defied the warning of not secluding herself with a specific person AFTER BEING WARNED. In other words, had she done this -- with NO "prior warning" -- she would not be "shamed" in this manner even though it was pretty clearly wrong.
Notwithstanding the fact that I've no interest whatsoever in contemporary pop music and am only peripherally aware of Coldplay (is that an Arctic frolic?)...I looked up Ms. Sacco and her "offending" quote which set off leftist mobs. What she said actually IS true! (And her other published observations were rather entertaining as well.) The problem is that she failed to go on the offensive against the self-righteous, self-anointed, self-appointed internet "activists."
I am so tired of this taking space in the news! Why do people get pleasure out of this bad situation for the two involved? I totally agree with this opinion!
Don't people have more important things to do then this, why don't people do something about world being anti Jewish and anti Israel, help the less fortunate do good deeds, and so away from filth and see nice things in nature not bad situation when people don't know right from wrong
The first sane voice in all this madness. Thank you.
The actual video is not a “meme”; a meme is some type of comment, often superimposed on a photo or other picture. You’ve already seen, as you said, multiple “memes”/gifs/commentaries of this incident, but no, the video itself is not a “meme.”
It makes perfect sense not to click on something you don’t want to drive algorithms for - whether for your own personal interest, or reducing traffic to the posts, or both - and avoiding being part of lashon hara is of course a valid reason for either, though it’s not like strangers seeing their embarrassment affects them in the slightest, so trying to concentrate on that claim is silly, when the point of avoiding lashon hara is to do so even when it wouldn’t actually affect those involved, like this, though especially of course when it could.
I can also say I didn't see it I heard people talking about it but I had no clue what they were talking about. But in all honesty I needed to hear this today because I do spend time on some social media things that do not show the best light and people so with that I thank you blessings to you and all of yours
Hashem used the Babylonians and Romans to punish Israelite sinners. Hashem used Coldplay, kiss cam, social media, etc. to take care of these two. Cannot hide from Hashem, cannot fool Hashem. He has his ways
You don’t need to make fun of them but their sins SHOULD be public. They destroyed their own families. Social media came afterwards. I like the points you made in general like with Yehudah and Tamar , but who’s protecting this adulterous couple? Who cares how many views they get? They destroyed lives themselves and shamed their own spouses. It is what it is and they get what they get.
I wouldn’t engage in watching jokes on it because it’s not in the spirit of the Torah to waste your time on Hollelus. But the fact that the whole world watched the kiss cam— זה בא אליהם. Let their sins be known, but don’t engage in unnecessary frivolity on such a grave sin — a different take on why I wouldn’t look at related memes. Not that I feel too strongly about that either. Let them be made fun of
Why should I let someone make money from my perversions? This is why I do not involve myself with such things.
I clicked on the video and regretted it immediately. I knew I should not have watched it for the reasons stated by the author. I've since tried to refine what I subscribe to on social media in order to greatly reduce the chances that this type of thing pops up in my feed in the future. Other than that I just don't know how to do teshuva on this one, other than to try harder not to let it happen next time.
In all due respect, there is a concept called a Sotah in which a person who commits an act like this is publicly humiliated to no end.
The purpose of the shaming in the case of the Sotah was to get her to admit and save her life. If she did not admit and was guilty, the water would kill her! If she didn't do it and insisted on drinking, the publicity of the event would fully clear her name and the water would be a blessing specifically because she went through so much trauma to save her marriage. I believe Rabbi Orlofsky has a whole approach on this if you can find it.
It should also be noted that it was only when there were serious witnesses to her being warned and still willingly secluding herself. It wasn't just a jealous husband on a unchecked power trip.
Many of the commenters are missing the point. This article is not about condoning adultery; it's a segue to discuss something that permeates our society on a deep and dangerous level. The article is not about this couple. It is a very well-written yet rarely said discussion of what the open internet does (as does gossip - it's just much easier and quicker to reach more people now).
Well said.
Thank you
Thank you that's exactly what I was going to say
Exactly. I didn't click either, but it is incredible to think that over 200 million people did! What pleasure can you derive from public humiliation? Yes, this couple may have been involved in an immoral activity, BUT, the people who clicked didn't know that when they did. The couple could have been shy or embarrassed. Yes, it seems to have turned out that their PDA was inappropriate for many reasons, but those who clicked did it for their own puerile enjoyment.
Me thinks thou doest protest too much
Thank you for a brilliant reminder of our responsibility to and for one another. This is a big part of loving my neighbor as ourselves.
This was simply a FAFO type of situation. The truth is always revealed and the humiliation is very necessary. These two morons lost their jobs and destroyed their own families. They do not need sympathy or support for imploding. The kids deserve the support and the spouse. Lesson here is to not cheat. Don’t break your sacred vows. Divorce and then go out and play. No side piece is worth it. Have respect, empathy, honesty and love in your marriage or don’t be married. Be a player…these two players found out Karma has a bite.
I honestly do not really see the difference between writing a well-publicized kind of self-righteous article highlighting the adulterous couple being caught, but saying you didn't see the video, to actually watching the video and letting it silently go. What exactly is lashon hara--watching a video and saying nothing, or writing an entire article about the scenario?
The point here is that this should NEVER have been posted, The Author notes that this was written up all over but it was ONLY "written up" because it had been posted in this manner. And, EVEN THOUGH it had already been written up, the author STILL made a conscious effort not to look up the actual posting. I see nothing "self-righteous" here because the point was NOT to "highlight the adulterous couple" being caught. It was to protest that this had been posted to being with. In other words, it was protesting the "Lashon Harah" that was generated BECAUSE of the posting.
I’m so not following. 🙁
I only saw the clip because I read this article.
This article is beautifully written. Your words, your thoughts your intention come through and offer hard truth. I hope those who need to read this see this..
Real simple. Don’t watch. Don’t comment. Pull your head up from the glowing monolith you hold in your hand and join the WORLD BY LOOKING UP!!!
I will save my pity for someone more worthy than two cheaters, who publicly humiliated their spouses and children with their reckless and selfish behaviour. By all accounts, he was a prize jerk both in business and his personal life, and she not much better.
Karma.
ouch. no one is putting this couple on a pedestal. but don't believe the gossip about his personal character, and the couple certainly didn't intend for this to happen. this article is about OUR behavior, not theirs.
Nobody is asking that you "pity" them. That STILL does not mean that it was the right thing to post this. In fact, the "public humiliation" was BECAUSE of the posting. Had it not been posted -- there would be no "public humiliation". What was the point / value of posting -- outside of humiliating this couple? If there was no other value to be gained thereby (i.e., "To'e'less"), then posting it seems to be Lashon Harah.
Thanks for drawing attention to this behavior. I'll pay attention not to behave like this
No condemnation of adultery?
I believe the condemnation of adultery is a given. However, I refuse to give this so called event any more attention than it has already gotten. It is nothing more than lashan hara,
NOBODY is "approving" Adultery. However, unless you are a believer of the "Scarlet Letter" crowd, there is no reason to publicly post this, either.